A whole new world
by teagXcore
Summary: After Hermiones 5th year at school her world is shaken her one idol Albus Dumbledore is killed, she is shattered. Hermione has not been the same all summer and is hiding behind a mask but will her real emotions seep out from beneath?
1. The Truth

Chapter One: The Truth

As you walked down one of the normal muggle streets of London you would never had guessed that a witch lived there. She was young and talented and at the top of her year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This young witch was Hermione Granger and she was in her 7th and final year at school. Hermione as she guessed was the last one of her house awake as she sat on the windowsill of her bedroom. It was a cool night not too warm but not too cold. She had felt lonely all summer she hadn't been able to visit Ron or Harry (her two best-friends from school). She had been fighting with her parents for the last week or so and tendered to stay in her room these days.

As Hermione sat on her window sill she noticed a strange shape in the sky. It was flying towards her as she saw what she thought was an owl with a large parcel it flew in the open window onto her bed. It was her owl Sara her only friend these holidays Sara had kept her company at the worst of times these holidays. She walked over to the bed and untied the package from the owl's leg. She looked at the letter on top with her name on it and recognised the untidy scrawl as Remus Lupins she opened the letter and read:

_Hermione,_

_ How are you? Here at the Order everyone is rather low as what happened at Hogwarts before the end of term. Though the house elf seems to be rather cheerful. Harry is quite upset and tends to spend most of the time in his room. I should have thought that you might have kept in contact with Ron or Harry. Listen Hermione everyone is really worried about you. Mrs Weasley is thinking of coming to your house and getting you. Keep in touch._

_Remus._

Lupin had been her only form of communication to the wizard world this summer she had cut off her subscription to the Daily Prophet and Witch Weekly so she didn't know what was happening. For all she knew Voldemort could be hanging right outside her window. She sat back on her bed. Thinking about Ron and Harry what would they be thinking about her right this very minute? She had thought this all summer what did they really think of her? She knew in her first year she was thought of as the nerd but had it changed?

At that she opened the parcel it was a new set of deep turquoise robes her favourite colour. "Wow that must have cost a fortune!" Hermione said to herself. As she sat on her bed admiring her new robes her clock had ticked over to 12am she now had two weeks left until the end of summer. Hermione yawned she didn't realise how tired she was. She got up off her bed and hung her robes in the cupboard across the room. She then turned around and flumped back down on her bed and fell straight to sleep.

The next morning Hermione got up in a better spirit than the one she had the night before, though she was still low on energy. She thought it might be good if she at least try make up with her parents after all it was her last year of school this year. As she walked towards her parent's bedroom on her way downstairs she realised there were voices coming from her parent's room. She stopped to listen. As she leant closer to the door she heard her parent's soft voices in deep conversation.

"What? How can we tell her she'll be shocked all this time Hermione thinking we are muggles? How would you react if your parents came out and said oh Hun we're witch and wizard. No big thing you know." Said a soft voice she recognised was her mothers. A deeper voice then spoke "Well you wouldn't say that to her that's just muggle-like. You would sit her down and say it to her. Today at breakfast we will tell her." At that Hermione heard footsteps and she bolted back to her room not wanting to be seen listening in on her parents conversation.


	2. Leaving it behind

Chapter Two: Leaving it behind

"Why hadn't they ever told me?" Hermione whispered as softly as she could. She didn't want her parents to hear. It had been 10 minutes since she had secretly found out her parents weren't as she always thought muggles. She heard her mother's voice calling her down to breakfast. Hermione sighed and slowly stood up from her bed looking around the room as she walked out. As she trudged down stairs and into the kitchen she noticed her parents were quite silent. Hermione turned to them and said "don't bother telling me I already know you are both witch and wizard I heard you talking". She walked over to her seat and sat down.

Hermione picked up the toast that her mother had given her but she couldn't eat it. So she put it back down and asked her mother "why? Why didn't you tell me?" Her father turned to her and said "Hun we didn't want you to know the truth because we were never that good at magic we are in fact squibs". Hermione gasped at this and got up from the table walked around to her parents gave them each a hug then said "I will love you both no matter what". Hermione then turned to her mother and said "Mum I need a break". Her mother replied "Sure Hun. Where?". "The order maybe if you don't mind. If not Ron's house".

When Hermione got to her room she noticed an extra person in her room. Remus, he was dressed in his old shabby cloak and robes it was how she had remembered him. She gazed in amazement as he stared back and said "well can't I get a hug?" Hermione ran over and latched onto him. She had missed him so much. As she let go of Remus he said "I heard your coming to stay at the order for the rest of the holidays". Hermione was gob smacked she started to say "but what, how?" but was interrupted but lupin. "Your mother and father have another way of communicating other than owl you know. Well are you going to pack then?"

Hermione was packed and ready lupin had already sent her trunk and cat Crookshanks to the order all she had to do was say goodbye to her parents and she was ready. She hugged her father so tightly that she was almost strangling him. As she walked up to her mother she said take care and they embraced Hermione starting to cry. It was hard on her leaving her family and not seeing them until next summer. That hug that she got from her mother was Hermione's best hug she had got that summer; it was filled with love and warmth.

As she and lupin walked to the door she asked him "how are we getting there?" He replied as they walked out the door in a low voice "Apparation but shhh were in a muggle street". And as the got to the end of the path in front of her house she turned around and waved one last time and then apparated. As the air around her cleared the familiar site of 13 Grimmauld Place emerged. It felt so much better to be back here.

When she walked inside a mass of red hair grabbed her and hugged her Hermione shocked did not hug back (this was also due to the fact her arms were pinned to the side of her) but said "Hello Ginny if you would let go of my arms I would hug you back" and she did so. As they unlatched themselves from each other lupin said to Hermione "Harry and Ron are upstairs Mrs Weasley is in the kitchen and so is Moody I think he is still here. "He's just about to leave" interrupted Ginny. Just then Hermione heard shuffling then a figure coming out of the kitchen. It was moody. His glass eye swirling around his head, it then transfixed to the roof. "Harry and Ron aren't in their bedroom hold on. Their in the bathroom… Together." He grunts. Hermione and Ginny look at each other trying not to think of the obvious they walk up the stairs trying not to laugh. As they get to the bathroom door they hear whispers and press their ears to the door to listen. "Shhh mum might hear us" Whispers Ron. "Oh no she won't" replies Harry. "This is so much fun I can't see why we haven't done it before." As Hermione opens the door a foul stench comes out of the bathroom. Harry and Ron look up at the visitors as they gasp. Harry and Ron are petite 17 year old girls. Hermione screams in shock "Polyjuice Potion!" then laughs. Ginny edges forward and asks "who did you get the hair off, because you look awfully like the muggle twins down at the store on the corner." They all laugh as Mrs Weasley grunts up the stairs and says "Moody just said there are now two girls in the bathroom but its not you two you're…" She then looks in the bathroom and screams setting off Mrs Black's portrait. The petite girl who is Ron steps forward and yells over Mrs Blacks screeches "Mum its okay it's only Polyjuice!! It wears off in an hour". Mrs Weasley walks back downstairs muttering furiously to herself about the lack of responsibility and closing Mrs Black's curtains on the way down.

Giggles erupt from all of the foursome after Mrs Weasley leaves them. They start to walk up to Ginny & Hermione's room to help Hermione unpack. Hermione looks down nervous as to what to say next. She felt as if she didn't know these people; they had spent all summer together and had talked to some of those in the wizarding world. Hermione hadn't talked to any of them and she had no idea what was going on in the world. For the first time in years Hermione felt left out from everything. Hermione looks up into the familiar room that is hers and Ginny's and what was once Regulus Black's, it had not changed since she had last seen it, the room still had the pictures the lingering smell of mothballs and the oh so ugly wallpaper. She noticed Mrs Weasley had already put her bags at the foot of the bed.

Hermione looked up after a long period of staring around the room unable to put off looking at her friends any longer. They looked at her a warm and loving look that she had so desperately needed. This was indeed home after all.


	3. Revealed, Her World

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while since its been Christmas down here we've been pretty busy, I actually finished this a couple of days ago but didn't get the time to put it up.**

"You know it's rude to stare" Hermione joked at her friends.

They shook out of their trances and Ron spoke up "Hermione have you lost weight?"

Hermione replied in a stare that could have scared the bravest of wizards.

Ginny whacked Ron across the head and told Harry and Ron to get out.

Ron protested for a while but finally gave in he figured he could sneak some of Fred and Georges extendable ears if he was that desperate.

Ginny looked down at Hermione laying on the bed and thought "she does look like she's lost some weight", "So" Sighed Ginny.

"So what?" retorted Hermione.

"So have you lost weight? I know you have Hermione you can't hide it" replies Ginny.

"I haven't lost weight you idiot! I've grown taller or are you all thinking I'm anorexic now? Just go away Ginny just go away" she replied looking exhausted.

"Whatever you know where I am _if_ you want to talk" Ginny replies as she walks out of the room.

Hermione sits on the bed stunned at what she just did. "That's one of my best friends" she thought to herself. Hermione gets up off her bed and gets out a book with the word 'Memories' printed on the front (she had gotten the idea from Harry at the end of the 1st year when he got a book off Hagrid exactly the same.

Hermione's book unlike Harry's didn't have pictures of her family, well not her true family but her extended family as she liked to call it. It had pictures of Harry, Ron and his family, Hagrid and her most treasured picture, the one of Dumbledore which she had taken just before his death last year. Hermione looked at the pictures, mainly from last year, all those happy memories they seemed like years ago. Hermione started to cry, not necessarily knowing but still crying, in the end she cried herself to sleep.

The next time Hermione woke it was dark and she heard the wind thrashing on the windows. She looked over at the bed across from hers and saw what she supposed was Ginny's outline.

"Ginny" whispers Hermione.

Ginny mumbles back in response "Mmm what do you want?"

"Oh nothing I'm sorry never mind" Hermione rushes "Oh god I should have just left it how stupid can I get?" Hermione thinks.

"Okay" and Ginny falls back into an undisturbed sleep.

Hermione gets up from her bed and sneaks over to her half unpacked trunk and rummages through it looking for her tool. "I need to do this" she thought "never again though will I do this I promise" She mumbles silently.

Finally Hermione comes upon it the sharp silver blade that so small produces the pain that she needs and the blood that she deserves to shed.

Hermione walks out into the hall and into the bathroom, she shuts the door as she gets into the room and pulls up her sleeves revealing scars upon scars littered up her arm.

She puts the blade upon her arm and pushes it ever so harder then she draws it up her arm the blade digging into her flesh, Hermione pulls off the blade and looks down at her freshly cut skin the wound was not yet bleeding but she could see little spots of blood. Then she just sat there watching the blood seep down her arm and onto the floor eventually making a small pool.

"Fuck" thought Hermione "it should have stopped by now" realizing that this could be bad she squeezed her palm onto her arm and held it there she then grabbed a towel and put it over the wound but it was still bleeding. "Fuck Fuck Fuck I've really done it this time" Hermione says desperately.

"Hermione are you okay?" It was Ginny.

"Uhm yeah I'm fine, just go back to bed" Hermione replies quickly.

"I just want to get a drink, Hermione I'm coming in" Ginny answers.

"Don't…" But it was too late Ginny had walked in.

"Shit Hermione what have you done?" Ginny looked down at the blood and the hunched figure that was Hermione, then she saw it the small blade just laying there on the floor... untouched.

"Hermione what have you done? I'm going to get one of the adults stay there you'll be okay" and Ginny rushes off.

"No she can't they can't find out" Hermione tries to get up but without the use of both of her arms its useless.

Ginny returns a couple of minutes later with Remus Hermione looks up and bursts out crying "I'm sorry I'm so sorry please don't tell anyone please don't"

Remus looks down upon the girl she was very small, too small infact, why hadn't he noticed it? Why had he not noticed when he picked her up, that she was too small?

He picks her up and helps her down to the kitchen, the reluctant Hermione struggles but in the end gives up.

She walks into the kitchen and looks around only tonks and Moody are in there "oh good Mrs Weasley isn't in here" Hermione thought.

Tonks looks up at Hermione and notices she is nursing a bloodstained towel on her arm she gasps and asks "what happened?"

**You know what to Reviews people!**


	4. The consequences

**I'm so sorry for such a long wait on this chapter guys, currently suffering in my recovery from self harm and anorexia..**

**So yeah here is the fourth chapter, if I owned this I would definitely have this in a book by now, so its definitely not mine!**

Ginny shrugged "I don't know" she woke me up about 20 minutes before I found her in the bathroom, I she was going to tell me something but she was too nervous

Ginny shrugged "I don't know" she woke me up about 20 minutes before I found her in the bathroom, she was going to tell me something but she was too nervous. Then I woke up again and I needed a drink noticing that Hermione was out of bed I walked towards the bathroom and I heard her swearing, she said she was okay but I needed a drink so I walked in and I found her, in a pool of her own blood.

"Ginny!" She hated her, no wait she detested her, why had she told them why had she gotten lupin she would have been fine if only she had gone away and gone back to bed like she told her to. Hermione sat there in silence all her worst fears had come true, these people had gotten inside of her, they knew what was going on there was nothing she could do.

Remus lent down and surveyed Hermione's arm it would indeed need healing but that wasn't his biggest concern it was the fact that it wasn't the only wound she had up her arm, she had hundreds of them, this had been going on for what looked like since Dumbledore had died. He sighed, he cared for Hermione but he had no idea what to do.

Remus got out his wand and started to heal the fresh wound with the skinopulus spell although it wasn't a very strong spell it did its job and bound the skin back together, he then wrapped a bandage around her forearm just for extra safety in case she knocked it.

Hermione got up and thanked Remus and started to walk out but was called back by tonks "Hermione you want some breakfast, its morning now anyway."

Hermione looked up the stairs, she could indeed see the upper floor getting brighter from the sunlight seeping through the drapes, "Oh I guess but I'm not that hungry"

Hermione sat down regretting she'd even done it she knew she shouldn't have, she yawned as tonks put down a pile of toast in front of her. Hermione looked down at the toast and picked it up she didn't really want to eat but everyone was watching.

She sighed and ate two pieces they'll be happy with that she thought.

Later that day Remus goes into Hermione's bedroom she is sitting alone on the bed reading a book called Witch or Muggle? She looks up as he enters and puts the book down "please don't harass me about before please don't" Sighs Hermione.

"You know I'm going to and there's no way you can escape it Hermione" replies Lupin.

Hermione looks down at her crossed legs and starts to talk;

"It all started just before we finished school, after Dumbledore had died, I felt like he was the lifeline that we had the last chance to beat V-v-voldemort.

The night after Dumbledore's funeral I found a pocket knife lying around the dormitory, I had heard of muggles Self Harming to release tension, I tried it, it hurt like hell but it worked, for a bit. Eventually the euphoria of being able to cope wore off and I needed to release tension again, and it kept on happening, eventually getting worse and worse."

Hermione sighs and lies down on the bed facing the wall, ashamed she listens to Lupin talk "he wasn't our last chance Hermione we still have each other, and is Dumbledore really gone? When we still have him in our minds? It may seem hopeless but you need to support Harry during this time you can't let him see that Voldemort is affecting you."

Hermione sobs and answers back "I know, I know, but I need this release I need something to take the pain the guilt and the emotional stress away and I've found something that does."

"But Hermione" responds Remus "are you really happy knowing that your hurting yourself and hiding it from others and does it make you feel worse after you've done it does it make you wish that you hadn't done it?"

'I guess but what does it matter?' Thought Hermione as Remus finished.

It had been a full on so far today and it wasn't even lunchtime yet, Hermione wanted to go back to sleep but she knew the chances of that were zero to none as Mrs Weasley would most likely find some hideous job for her Harry and Ron to do.

"I can't do this anymore Remus, I just can't, please, help do something, because I don't know anymore" with that Hermione slumped down onto her bed and closed her eyes, what she had just said was from her heart it was all true.

"Hermione I've just got to-"Remus started but was interrupted by the door opening.

"Oh I'm sorry" blushed Ginny" I uhm didn't know you two were in here, I'll go." With that she turned around and started to leave.

"Don't worry Ginny we're finished" and Hermione got up taking her book Witch or Muggle? with her.

Ginny curiously looked over at lupin but he was abashed by what Hermione had just said to him.

-- Lupins POV

Half an hour later I'm still pondering on Hermione, as she walks in from the back garden into the lounge I realise she is still as skinny as ever, but she seems happier, somehow.

-- Hermione's POV

Hermione looks around the lounge tonks is in a mirror, meta-morphing her looks, Mr Weasley is reading the Daily Prophet (An expected Death Eater, caught!), lupin is looking at her again 'please stop looking at me' thought Hermione and Ginny is sitting on the floor playing with Arnold, the Pygmy Puff.

"H-ey" announced Hermione as she sat down next to Ginny, absent-mindedly starting to stroke Arnold.

"Ginny I'm sorry about last night, you shouldn't have seen that.. I'm sorry" Hermione said, barely audible.

"'Mione don't worry about it, seriously, I'm just glad I walked in before something horrible happened" replied Ginny at a whisper.

"I can't concentrate on anything anymore Gin, my magic is weaker – even simple spells use up all my energy, and along with that I'm barely sleeping. Everything has fallen apart. Hermione sighed; it took so much energy to say this, it finally felt as if a brick had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Hermione you need to talk to an adult, talk to tonks, lupin or even my mum, anyone. Because your going to end up in an even deeper hole than you already are and you'll end doing something you'll regret" Ginny replied cautiously.

At that Hermione replied "But how, HOW can I tell them?"

"Just say what you said to me" replied Ginny, confident.

"I guess" replied Hermione and got up.

Walking into the kitchen she saw Tonks and Mrs Weasley having a private conversation, when they noticed her they fell quiet and just as Mrs. Weasley was about to say something she said "Tonks can I talk to you? I don't care if it's now or later but I need to talk to you.. I'll be in my room.."

Tonks nodded and Hermione walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs towards hers and Ginny's room.

**R&R for me guys (:**


	5. The help

**Sorry about the length of this chapter, it is rather short, but for some reason it is my favorite chapter to date,**

**If I owned Harry Potter, why would I have my side stories on the web, so others can possibly copy? I don't think I would.**

Chapter 5 – The help.

Walking up the stairs Hermione heard the soft pat-pat of feet on the ground. As she reached the landing of the first floor Hermione turned around and saw Dobby following her up the stairs. Dobby was around waist-height to her and had a squeaky little voice; Dobby was a house-elf who had been set free from his previous owners (the malfoys) by Harry in their second year.

"Dobby what are you doing?" asked Hermione asked as she knew his usual base was Hogwarts.

"Dobby is getting Harry Potters socks and making sure his best friend is okay and not going to hurt herself" replied Dobby. He then squealed and started hitting his head against the wall "bad Dobby, bad. Harry Potter told not to."

"Dobby stop!" Hermione shouted as he was about to hit his head against the wall again. "Dobby, Harry wouldn't want you hurt so stop it!" said Hermione as the still struggling elf gave up. "Now that's better Dobby go get Harry's socks go straight back down and don't come back up." Hermione let go of the elf and watched his frail body disappear up the stairs.

Hermione about to follow him up the stairs was stopped by a voice. "Mione?" Hermione turned around and saw Tonks, she felt tears running down her face and she couldn't stop them, not even with magic, these were REAL tears. She turned and run the rest of the way to her bedroom sobbing.

"Hey Hey Hey" Tonks said softly as she entered the room "what's going on bub? What's eating you up inside? Come here I'll protect you"

Lupins POV --

He looked up someone was banging upstairs, hard by the sound of it. Ginny had noticed too; he sighed "I'll go check it out" but as he got up from his chair everything fell silent again (that is as silent as a magical house can be) then sobbing and running across the floorboards directly above.

As he got to the second floor landing he made sure that he couldn't be heard and popped his head through the door of Hermione's and Ginny's room. Tonks was cuddling a sobbing Hermione. Obviously it was her sobbing that he heard.

Hermione's POV --

As she glanced up she saw the door move, had someone been there?

"I'm sorry tonks, I shouldn't have… I'm just so scared, I needed someone."

"Hey babe, I know you're scared but you need to stick in there for us" replied Tonks gently stroking Hermione's hair.

"I know but what with arguing with mum and dad then finding out they're squibs and Dumbledore dying on top of that I'm barely coping with it all" Hermione sighed, she was letting it all slip out now. "I have no feeling for food, I constantly want to cut or burn or harm myself – any means possible, I'm always tired and I can barely concentrate on my magic. Why is this happening to me? I'm a witch for f's sake why?" Hermione continued to sob while her and Tonks lie on her bed, there bodies entwined together keeping each other warm.

**R&R guys (: thanks.**


	6. Take it

Hermione awoke with a start, tonks and her bodies were still entwined and she could see the moonlight seeping through her drapes

Hermione awoke with a start, tonks and her bodies were still entwined and she could see the moonlight seeping through her drapes.

Hermione unlatched herself from tonks and got up, her head spinning. She stopped, waiting for her eyes to focus and the spinning to stop. As everything came swimming into focus she heard tonks grunt lazily in her sleep. Hermione began towards the door, not noticing the bluish tinge the normally brown door had taken up. Hermione reached out and grasped the doorknob to turn the handle but was sent flying back into big fluffy pillows that were like sitting on clouds. This magic wasn't here to hurt her, it had indeed been set up by lupin to protect her and tonks. Hermione got up – she had to check, she needed to make sure she still had it.

_Hermione slipped in the bathroom, careful to check that the hallway was clear before she went in she picked up the blade and put it into her jeans pocket. She then picked up her wand and attempted the spell that would clean up the blood, but she was too weak, so the magic wouldn't work and she began to clean it up by hand._

Hermione walked over to her jeans, which were still lying on the floor from when she threw them off a couple of hours ago, she hoped that the blade was still there in her pocket. Hermione sighed, she though they might search her room but never did she think that they would find it and destroy her much love possession.

Hermione began to sob "I want it back, I want it fing back!" she sobbed until she noticed that tonks had picked her up off the floor and laid her back on the bed. She continued to sob as tonks walked out of the room, not even taking any notice of the door she had just tried to get through, 'I'm an idiot' she though 'I don't deserve any of this help, why do they even care about me? Look at me I'm worthless'. She turned over and saw tonks come in the room closely followed by Madam Pomphrey.

"What's she--" started Hermione.

"She's here to help don't worry, she's not here to judge you, Poppy knows everything already" interrupted tonks. Hermione eyed her off, 'how could she?' she thought.

"Now Hermione how are you feeling? When was the last time you cut? How much do you weigh and when was the last time you ate?" finished the nurse, inquisitively.

"I uh... What?" replied Hermione; she barely caught any of those questions.

Madam Pomphrey took a hold of Hermione's arms and asked "do you mind?"

"I do, but go ahead, you're going to anyway wether I say so or not" replied Hermione, too tired to fight.

The nurse began to unwrap Hermione's still bandaged arms, once done she took off the dressings that were protecting her arms from infection. Poppy sighed "these are the worst I've seen and I've seen a lot of self-inflicted wounds" she continued to the teens arms, she getting ever more paranoid by the minute. "I think you need a rest Hermione" announced the nurse.

"That's why I came here Madam Pomphrey, I needed to get away from my parents" she spoke quietly.

"Its good you've done that Hermione but you need a place with stability and you need to recuperate from this. Tonks and I have both discussed your options in this situation and believe that a short stay in St Mungo's new Psychiatric ward would be ideal. There is a bed if you are willing to take it, but you would be admitted first thing in the morning" replied poppy.


End file.
